number 4

i really don't get it. i really cannot begin to even fathom the idea of why God is so good. my flesh just wants to see His face, right now and ask Him... WHY! WHY ME? WHY HIM? WHY HER? WHY ALL OF US??!?!!?!?!!11 God is answering my prayers. God has been so present and i simply just don't get it. i mess up. i mess up everyday. i mess up several times a day probably and yet, He is still sitting there smiling at me. He is still sitting there holding out His hand and telling me that i am His beloved and He will never leave me. that He is always watching over me. that He is real. that He wants me. that He wants all of me and He will do whatever it takes to rescue me from anything that i could potentially become. for that i am so eternally grateful. am i worthy of it? probably not. but i am sure glad that He loves me.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way He loves us.

i love you Lord. thanks, you're real great.